今天捧回来一个花瓶，里面插了富贵竹和几只兰花，都是白白的，很淡雅……

另外又尝试做了一个发型，呵呵象个娃娃了，明天洗头就会变回原样！

……妈妈现在又在给我讲她的网恋故事，我就只装做在听，手就在这里打字。她总是很陶醉于一段又一段网络恋情，虽然都没有结果，但是她缺陶醉其中，虽然最终现实苦涩，但网恋却是无比甜蜜的！

明天或许是爱脑培的最后的一堂课，或许会要再上一个星期六的课，但是我希望尽早结束和她们的合约……这种工作做了就知道，根本不适合我。毕业以后一直受到挫折缺依然毅然留在这里，首先要感谢妈妈的帮助和鼓励，同时朋友的帮助和鼓励，还有运气，真的，运气超级好，尤其是我每次脱离一个固定全职工作，我都会遇到新的机遇，直到上个月我放弃了寻找全职工作的机会，转而全做兼职……我才逐渐发现我最适合的就是这种生活状态！

从健身房出来，总是会情不自禁地仰望天空……那一刻，我是在全心拥抱这个世界！我爱你！

 

"I will write an English book with 15 stories about Chinese Internet users who done unrelated to entertainment but only if 14 other local people will do the same with me."

— Oliver Ding
 

I signed my name in this pledge, not only because Oliver is one of my internet friend and colleague on a internet project, but also I need more challange in my life, I want to challange myself with a specific aim,eg.Losing 8Kg within two months( I started a couple of weeks ago but failed, and I made up my mind again today after talking with one of my best friends, he encouraged me to shape my body...he wants me to be as perfect as I could be.) Write an English book about Chinese Internet users who done unrelated to entertainment with other 14 people.It seems to be somewhat crazy, while it's really exciting to be working with other 14 people on writing the same book about Chinese internet users like us...I use internet for entertainment too, but half of my work and definitely will be more in the future was done on the internet too. I can not live without internet, it's as important as having meals everyday.Whoops! God bless us, there would be enough people to sign in Oliver's pledge, then we could start asap.:-) I probably could give more than ten aims more, but another aim for this year is to help my mother to get married again since she has been living on her own for 15 years! She needs a pair of should to lay on, she needs a man's hug, and she needs a man's love...What should I do next since I got to know a man I suggested to her was married already. He didn't tell me that, but he confessed to her one day. Well that's ok! I could find someone else then...:-) I am confident of my ability to get to know new people. The last aim, probaly could be done with the losing weight aim, is having a guy to be my boyfriend. I need a steady relationship to make my life more peaceful...I am tired of hunting for new guys, or flirting with unrelated guys online. So meaningless...what's internet for? What's Love for? What's relationship for? Who am I? What can I do...for me, for him...for the ones I love?

 

Picking up a CD this morning, Jones Stone's The Soul Sessions. And then her second albumn, Mind, Body and Soul. She's got GREAT voice! I love soul jazz as well...could touch your soul, definitely could move your heart whenever and wherever you are...

 

The meeting with two nice laies from New Zealand Airline and aunt Fan was so sweet, those two foreign ladies were so excitin to take Chinese home-made food and taste the best green tea...They were also amazed by aunt Fan's daughter's embroider art works. They were really beautiful handicrafts. And she's also good at Jigsaw puzzles too! She's a genius because it took her only one day to finish a 1000 pieces of jogsaw...Oh God!

 

It seems that leaving Ark last month would be another opportunity...Yes, God always opens one day when he closes another one...Depends on whether you could check it out or not. I need to wake up and check those opportunities out, to be a smart person, and a person that could hold commitments. Sunshine's already in my heart~:-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When the love is approaching...why I am still so embarrased?

But one thing that have never been changed is...I am yearning for a long-term TRUE LOVE, as long as it could be...

I don't believe in the love without staying with or caring about each other...

I need a NORMAL love. But have to be with the right person I am interested in.

 

Fortunately I met a man recently and after talking and meeting with each other, we felt good. I love that feeling as I could am expecting that how much I would change through it...cos I need to change, and improve all the time, never stop....

 

I do like him so much, stronger than anytime before....and very delightful...sweet...^_^

喜欢上别人没有错，但是为什么要伤心呢？

我又开始恋爱了，可是这一次，我以为我可以顺利开始因为我已经等待一些日子了，却十分沮丧地呆在这里打字……难道我注定会在这段日子单身？
或许我这种人一辈子最适合单身……
打这种文字令人心碎，可我别无办法……
我不想勉强人，宁愿自己承担所有后果，事实上我一直扮演赎罪的角色，无论是爸爸死了以后还是第一次恋爱，还是去年被深爱的人抛弃，我对自己说我已经身经百炼，我什么不怕，哭就哭了，哭了以后我照样爬起来走路！……照样孤单一人走，照样忧郁，照样掩饰，照样自我暗示，照样活下去……
上帝眷顾我的，我可以感觉到……却无法得到我爱的男人的爱，是吗？

是因为我不懂得爱，还是因为我不能爱？

我想要男人的爱，却似乎得不到  
爸爸呀，你可以告诉我男人到底要什么？

 

妈妈看到这些文字请不要担心我，今天我和Maya去小刘震家吃饭！她妈妈请我去一起过元宵节！妈妈我爱你…………

今天在查web2.0的历史的时候，看到一个非常有趣的视频http://www.somewhatfrank.com/2007/02/video_explains_.html，惊叹这位仁兄的剪辑手法之流畅外，也不觉感叹我们已经深陷人机互动的时代，不得不说自己已经被机器所左右……每天早上醒来第一件事情就是开电脑，听到WindowsXP启动的声音就觉得自己的身体也被唤醒了；接下来是早餐阅读时间，通常简单浏览Google的新闻，查/回邮件，或许还会和远在他国的朋友聊几句因为他们习惯睡前与我打招呼了。然后工作，如果在家工作则会将电脑开在一旁，如果出门，时间不长也绝对不会关机；回来第一件事情就是看有没有新邮件和信息，有没有好玩的新闻帖子，如果时间比较充裕还会看看电影，写写博客，晚上基本上是对着电脑的
呵呵我很庆幸自己生活在这个web2.0的时代，我也很庆幸自己参与其中的建设。2月9日Google的桌面文档处理系统推出了中文版，如同当年Google将我们的最大的竞争对手Writely买掉，这预示着今后Web-based 系统是肯定具有广阔的市场价值的，随着web2.0的技术不断提高，人们对网络交流空间的应用和开发将会出现质的飞跃。今天和一个学生家长聊天的时候她说现在人们对网络应用知识掌握非常快，这个让我非常兴奋，因为其实我不需要十分担心人们会不会习惯于使用我们的产品，而其实只要我们的产品真的是人们需要的，就会得到大家的拥护。所以今后这段时间，gOFFICE.com在中国的路该如何走，我还得好好想想……
Google Docs到底神奇在哪里？还有哪些地方不足？初看上去和我们的gOFFICE.com初版几乎一模一样，但是仔细看看首先就会发现界面的不同，那么操作方面呢？我们的Spreadsheet的操作据说是最简单的，Google的呢？可是我后来发现如果网页打不开，而且总是刷新打不开，你再简单的操作也等于零……这个就是在线的操作系统面临的最大障碍：操作的稳定性。而对我们的gOFFICE.com来说或许麻烦更多，因为我们的服务器很有可能是在美国。当然稳定性的问题是美国那边老板的事情，但是这个是基础，如果老是打不开网页，或者速度跟不上，一切无从谈起！
今天回复了一个老兄的号召，准备和他一起探索一下Google docs的协作使用情况。期待我们会有新的发现！

 

 

 

Babel (Babylon) is portrayed as a society where everyone speaks with the same language and through human cooperation attempt to climb to heaven on a tower.

However, God has never intended to get the Babel tower completed...when the project started, he made human being spoke different languages to prevent them from direct communication.Poor people had to work together without understanding each other very much. How can people work under this circomstances?

Consequently in the Holy Bible, human beings failed in building the Babel to Heaven, and it indicates that us people must struggle with the trouble in communicating with each other more smoothly all through of our lives.

Therefore, there are always so many misunderstandings and confusions in communications amoung people, and we feel so fragile in front this trouble... We cry, we fight, we shout, we envy, we got angry, we feel miserable or even intend to commit suicide...

 

Won't we do that negative things if we had built the Babel tower?

 

Human beings have never stopped building the Babel, but we are still trapped in misconceived situation....It seems that not always because of the LANGUAGES we use leads to the inconvenient and inefficient of communication but also the unconscious actions or ideas can lead to the similar condequences...Maybe we are too shy to express ourselves...maybe we intend to hind something from the other person, maybe...we give the wrong info on purpose...

Is it because of the CHAOS?

 

All of all......I should be positive about the future of Internet market, we can never build a Babel or anything similar but it's also harmful for us to have such a kind of stuff here because what makes this world alive and moving on are VARIATY and ALTERBATIVE.

I need to wake up early so have to stop here, imgaine a refreshed Nan tomorrow morning and a refreshed world, Internet world...to read more, to think more, to learn more...

Reading those replies from my customers, in one of them, at the beginning, he said my help made his relocation smoothly, and he really appreciated my help up to now...I am always up to help since it's my job.

 

However, Now it's time to look over my shoulder...

I am considering my position in society, the life style which suits me, the meaning of my life...

Can not waste my time on such meaningless and exhausting trifles.

 

I should live my own life, and only in this way, I could enjoy my life.

 

God is alway with me...though I always deny I am a Christian, I am closer to God...

 

Having a religion could be the most pleasant feeling for myself!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

终于，在这炎炎夏日的清晨读完了《浮生六记》中的前四记！因后两记中文原版的缺失，就连语堂先生也无能为力！我也觉得非常遗憾……

尽管只有四记，但作者沈复，自称“文学爱好者”，用他平静恬淡而又不失个性的文字，娓娓记录下他和爱妻芸对生活，对人，对社会，对宇宙间万事万物的所思所感所为，读后，让我不免发自内心地羡慕和崇敬这对夫妻，被他们的生活情趣感染的同时，使我对于生活的意义的思考逐渐清晰……

 

今天起的这么早，实在不是我所愿，只是因为天不时，地不利罢了！昨天早上下过暴雨，今早却不像会下雨，因为有很浓的雾！但正因为昨日雨未下透，今天早上的上海异常闷热，以致于早上5点半，我就在一种湿淋淋的雾蒙蒙的梦境中昏醒过来！就像从桑拿浴室中出来一样……醒来之后却并不安宁，因为梦中已不安宁，仔细一听才明白，原来是楼下常德路上的人行道改建施工的噪音！每天清晨就开始，已经两个星期了，不知道这个工程什么时候会结束！？……

 

我的生活逐渐在改善，每天想的最多的有四件事情，一个是我的健康，一个是我的全职办公室工作，再一个是我的兼职工作，还有一个我的财政收支平衡情况。此四件麻烦已经在8月份逐渐明朗，我不得不将所有的兴趣爱好暂时搁置，以致于即使我有2小时的空闲，我也会放在安排计划工作和生活上，而非象读书时“如饥似渴”地看电影……当然，我现在也注意读书，因为文字有一种特殊的魅力，而这是我在离开学校之后才逐渐领悟的！也许以往写博客是为了发泄自己的牢骚，发泄自己的精力，虽然这也很正常，但现在觉得如果一直如此写下去，这里所记录的，无非也就是一些茫茫然的文字，与我生活的这个外部世界几乎不相干的幼稚的单纯……而我一直所寻求的一种平衡，不光是爱与性的平衡，与此相类似和关联的生活中其他无数的元素之间的平衡，其实现必要求我将自己的注意力和意志力的中心从十分的内在调整到一种自内而外进出自如的状态……

 

呵呵～许多事情我想说说总归非常容易，对自己的要求写出来也非常的容易，想象一种理想生活，描述一种生存状态，评价一个事物……其实很容易，可是瞬间的事情，如何将其意义变成永恒？！或者说一个字，一句话，一个行动，一种思想，如何在一瞬间闪耀之后，能够在若干年中依然绽放光彩？！其实这句话的意思很简单：瞬间与永恒，如何转化？看似非常矛盾两个事物，究竟有没有相互通连之处呢？……

 

回到开头我所读之书，沈复与其爱妻芸，是终其一生都坚持着与世无争的处世哲学，终其一声都追求者美好的事物，终其一声都充满了对生的渴望和对死的接纳……我自己，可能在今天非常爱好生活，却可能在第二天内心充满了绝望的恐惧！这种感觉，我自毕业以来经常碰到，这种两个极端的心理状态，我经常体验到！在读沈复的文字之时，我就逐渐意识到我的问题只严重性，却苦于久久挣脱不开……

 

我对美好，道德，智慧，财富的追求，若是基于一种本能冲动，相信不会长久！

作为会思考的，也在努力充实以使自己变得更智慧的人，靠本能生活不是明智的，而我相信本能的存在，或许真的是毁灭和死亡性的呢？！那么，指向生与永恒的人生目标的是何种力量支持所致？！……

我想，似乎是对立感性和本能的理性与意志……

 

今天早上就到这里，Time to prepare for leaving ....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Listen~ Life's like this~~~~

 

Don't know why, since last autumn there is always a confusion in my mind....

...All the other people, these I meet everyday on the bus seem to be clear about life and it goes...., all of them know it, except me.....

 

...

Cellphone power off...

No charging....

...

Sleepless working days...

...then...

Wakenless weekends...

...

 

Oh August is coming soon~

Sure there will be a change... I just need some time~...

 

又是周末，这开篇就是一种无奈无聊的语气……

早上三房东来过了，嘲讽地说那个讨厌的大房东不敢来闹了～要我们安心地住在这里……

……

很久了，总是有一种模模糊糊的被压抑的感觉，觉得周围的人都保守一个秘密，就是我不知道答案……

我很想知道大家都知道什么？那是什么东西？走在大街上，混在人群中，我发觉自己反倒更加压抑……为什么我觉得周围的人们都在生活，我却在生活的门口徘徊……

我这样的生活能够叫做生活吗？……

除了上班，赚钱，我什么别的事情都不想去做……甚至去找朋友聊天都懒得去……不是因为房子的原因，我也不会去拜访谁谁谁……可结果显然是不尽如人意的，但至少也在我的意料之中，所以我也有对策……

……就要过22岁了，今年的生日很有可能不会过……以前是很CARE生日的，每一次都会好好庆祝一番，可是这一次我已没有那种期望了……

 

这样的生活不会长久，但这么短短的几个月的调整期也够让我受的了……

……

等这一切结束之后，我知道一切都会趋于平静……

 

大家保守的秘密是什么？这段时间我也多少理解了一些……

做学生时候的心态和工作的时候的心态是不一样的，因为生存的本能驱使自己要找到生存的信念和价值，因为要活下去，我的生活就这样继续……

 

莫名奇妙的话总是会噼噼啪啪打一堆……

 

结果自己最后看了觉得是天底下最无聊最扯蛋的白痴语言……

 

却也不删，因为或许还可以博得大家的一点唾骂呵呵～～总归比一点波澜都惊不起来得好！……

 

昨天公司老板一桩生意在付款开发票的时候出了问题，结果是老板十分痛苦，只能延期再拖下去……

 

生活的趣味大概大多数情况下都存在于人的大脑中，想象的，别人看来可能觉得很好笑～自己却是无比的甜蜜……我们一方面生活在一个以他人价值标准为准的社会，又一方面鼓励和提倡拥有自己的价值标准……

 

……

今天的文字怎么会这么涩？……

Corey去参加什么滑水旅游节了，大概那边网络普及不及我们这边吧，一直没有等到他的回信～

希望晚上能看到他的信……没有他的消息我一天都会六神无主，可怜的我……怎么情感如此脆弱？

 

明天有去福州路买书的打算，不过说不准因为大雨而取消……当然，生活有宿命的成分，但却也夹杂着太多巧合和所谓的缘分……

 

虾米丁的流浪仍在继续～

 

 

Please...please don't let me drown....I believe I will be ok!!...Never settle for easily...

我的第一份工作三个星期就夭折了……今天我决定辞职！

我的准备是一盒巧克力和一张卡片，上面写上我自己的一些在那里的感受……不知道老板看了会不会过来砍我的人嘿嘿～～

 

昨天去面试一家新的公司，结果因为我不计较开始极低的薪酬，于是很快我便获得这份工作。至少我觉得我会很忙碌，我想忙碌起来，这样可以忘却很多烦恼，而且若干月之后还意味着加薪……

 

不知不觉中，我和一个伦敦的小伙子闪电般地恋爱了……

 

刚才接到他从伦敦打来的电话……他的声音、语调、还有用词是那么亲切，自然，反倒是我自己的声音、语调和用词显得生涩和做作……与他真挚热烈的心相比，我的内心复杂太多，我的利益瓜葛考虑的太多太多……我会担心很多事情，于是没有一个人我愿意倾情所有去爱！可悲的我啊……可是我不能这样，要不然我一辈子就会在懊恼中度过……

 

他问我What DO you WANT？的时候，我简直没有办法去面对这些字！……这些字是那么咄咄逼人，我内心一直都在被这些问题拷问，却苦苦难以求得实际的解答！难道我现在去办护照，然后去办签证，飞到伦敦去见他就是最好的解决办法吗？……也许吧……难道他九月份过来找我，然后我们一起过几天或者哪怕是几周时间然后分开这样的情况是我想要的？……有没有一个办法，让相爱的两个人不受远距离的折磨？

 

我想找到我生命中的唯一，因为当生命有所聚焦的时候，我的内心才会感受到一种平衡……而平衡的感觉也许是通向生命之永恒体验的！

 

我必须要重新回归自我，教育的终极目的是让受教育者找到终极的自我，体验自我的实现……